I celebrated my “blogiversary” by cutting my toenails and throwing the clippings into the same trashcan I used yesterday for the prunings of my bamboo palm, Shamu Butterpot, P.I.

I spent the morning hoping that my DNA would combine with that of the plant, causing a genetic half-David, half-bamboo monstrosity to emerge and wreak havoc on this fair city.

A watched pot never boils.