There are signs in my neighborhood, privately financed and hung in alleys, that read “No Dumping—It’s the Law.” One might imagine an exclamation point after such an imperative, but it is barren, without punctuation. Even the em dash is something I added for the sake of clarity, and in truth, I thank my lucky stars that they remembered the apostrophe.

On the sign, “NO DUMPING” is large, bold, authoritative; it knows what it wants and what it doesn’t want. Does it want dumping? No, it does not.

On the other hand, smaller, huddled under “NO DUMPING” like an albino in the shade, “It’s the Law” is open to interpretation.

Is it apologetic? “I’m sorry, I really would love to have you dump here, but unfortunately there’s a law that says you can’t. I’m brokenhearted, really.”

Is it commanding? “See that where it says ‘NO DUMPING’? Yeah, well, you’d better listen, man, cuz it’s the LAW!”

Is it Republican? “It says you can’t dump here because there’s a law, but we all know how to get around those. Am I right? Just pass me a hundred bucks, and I didn’t see nothing.”

Is it Christian? “God’s law should also be the law of man.”

Or is it just ridiculous? I mean, is there anyplace in the country outside of a landfill where dumping is permitted? Sure, people are savages and will dump their garbage anywhere, but I don’t think anyone is laboring under the illusion that this is a sanctioned activity. Why spend good money on a pointless sign when there are people in the world who don’t even have “Support Our Troops” placards yet.

Oh, won’t someone do something about those treasonous monsters?