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Things you probably shouldn’t say while I’m walking Goblin:

1) Who’s taking who for a walk? Ha ha.

2) Hey, it’s that dog from that commercial! What’s his name? Baxter! C’mere, Baxter!

3) Awww, a Boston terrier! I had a Boston terrier, but he was stolen by a guy with a machete. I’m serious! I drove up to Allentown to visit my sister last Christmas, and that’s when it happened. I was walking down the street. You know, I had a few drinks, smoked some weed. Was feeling good. Then this guy comes outta nowhere. I loved that dog, too. I have a substance abuse problem, and that dog stood by me through it all.

I mean really, people. How many times do I have to hear the same things, over and over?