What internationally renowned Boston terrier celebrated her fourth birthday last night with a star-studded gathering?

What up-and-coming young blogger consummated her Sapphic relationship with said Boston terrier and announced, numerous times, in a whimsical, slurred voice, “I am a ridiculous person”? (And was this the same up-and-coming young blogger who announced in the car, “Well, if we’re already halfway home, we’re all the way home in spirit”? Yes, it was.)

What slightly calmer and more composed blogger exited furtively with a bag of stolen hotel toiletries under her dainty arm?

What awesome lesbian couple produced a stuffed squirrel for the birthday girl? (A squirrel stuffed with stolen rubies!)

What jwerk said he would attend the gathering and then, to the utter horror of Miss Manners, did not?

What skittish basset hound pooped on my bedroom rug when he thought no one was looking? (No one was.)

What, indeed?