Yesterday, Rob and I went to grocery shop at Whole Foods and decided to stop in at Starbucks first. As we passed through the parking lot, I noticed a car with its headlights left on. It was a blue Escort station wagon.

Kind soul that I am, or am trying to be, I diverted into the grocery store for a minute to have them make an announcement, then it was off to brave the queue at Starbucks. As we approached the head of the line, Rob asked me what I was going to have.

“That chocolate-chip cookie,” I said. I’d had my eye on the chocolate-chip cookies since we’d entered the establishment. (That branch of Starbucks never has chocolate-chip cookies; I usually have to get shortbread cookies, which I love but are not very substantial.)

“Can I help you?” asked the barista of the man directly in front of me.

“Yes,” he said, “I’ll have two chocolate-chip cookies."

I watched, horrified, as they gave him the last two in the display case. What does someone need with two chocolate-chip cookies, anyway? When it was my turn, I asked if there were any more. There were not. Nor did they have my old standby, shortbread. I ordered only tea.

Maybe god is trying to tell me I’m too fat. Maybe . . . but I spent the rest of the shopping trip cursing fate. If I hadn’t been such a good person, I would have gotten to the café in time to get my cookie.

When I got home, I took the parking space someone else was aiming for without batting an eye. The other guy had probably just come from saving a kitten from a tree, or smacking a Republican, or some other good deed that diverted him just long enough for me to dart my car into that spot. You snooze, you lose. That’s my new philosophy, all thanks to the cookie thief.

Today, we took Goblin for a walk in the park and encountered a mobile petting zoo of two ponies, a miniature cow, a goat, an enormous bunny, and some ducks. It was a child’s birthday party. Goblin, who did not receive a petting zoo for her birthday last month, was so livid that she studiously avoided looking at the other animals—even the goat, which was pretty cute.

Sorry, Goblin, the world is cruel. God thinks you’re too fat, anyway.