Yesterday, I discovered that my fascia (the connective tissue that holds muscles in place) are like the “saggy lining of a trench coat.” This from Jeannine, the Rolfer I consulted about the unimaginable damage chronic stress has done to my body. Saggy fascia are just the latest plot twist in this decades-long drama: I also have TMJ, severe back pain, spinal curvature, strain in my right shoulder and left knee, and tendonitis across the tops of my feet. Basically, if someone could remove my brain and put it in the body of an android, I’d be much better off. (If the android were indestructible and powerful enough to take over the world, it would be a happy turn of events, but this is not strictly required. You can only ask so much of an android, especially one containing the brain that has held me back for so many years.)

The next most effective cure may indeed be Rolfing, which is a form of deep myofascial massage aimed at permanently realigning the body and releasing it from the hold of chronic stress and injury. I’m not holding my breath, but things are looking up after just the first session.

In other news, I gave Goblin a bath over the weekend, after which she smelled strongly of Neutrogena shampoo for the rest of the night. Whether this is better than her normal smell of pungent dog is a matter of preference; her current aroma, a combination of the two, is a inarguably a poor compromise.