I once read a short story about a man who made a pact with the devil. I’m fuzzy on the details of this particular one, pacts with the devil being all the rage, but I remember the man being given a pocket watch or some such thing that he could use to freeze his life forever at the moment it was activated: he would stay the same age, in the same physical condition, and in the same financial and social situation for all time.

The problem was, he was never sufficiently satisfied with his life to want to use the pocket watch. No matter how good things got, he felt they could always get a little better before he would want to live with them permanently. Finally, he died without using it, and the devil came to collect his soul. The devil made him get on a ghostly train filled with all sorts of revelry: gambling, drinking, music, unbridled sex. “This is the train to hell,” said the devil. “Enjoy all of these things while you can, because your eternal torment begins when it gets there.” At which point, the man activated his device and spent the all of eternity having fun with the sinners on the train that never arrived in hell.

With my luck, my eternal train to hell will be an Amtrak stuffed to capacity with people braying into cell phones.