Oh, my little bamboo shoots, where else can you get your holiday humbuggery and political satire all in one place? Where, I ask you. That’s why everyone’s favorite Upside-down Hippopotamus is the home of one-stop nastiness.
When I was in junior high school, I made a boy cry with a scathing rap song I wrote specifically to lampoon him. Oh, you gasp with horror, but he was a mean child who lived to torment those smaller and gayer than he. Words are weapons; they can stab stab stab like a stiletto. But who will weep over my new monstrous carol? Who will bleed? A few scattered herald angels? The baby Jesus? Crash, the zombiephobic birthday boy?
'BRAINS!' THE SCARY ZOMBIES SAY
“Brains!” the scary zombies say
“Gonna eat your brains today!”
From cemeteries they all lurch
Arms outstretched, they go to church
Listen to the preacher fume,
“Attack all sinners, bring their doom!”
“Right!” the scary zombies say
In SUVs, they drive away
Zombies stagger from “McLairs”
With decomposing face and hair
Attack weak people, grab the slow
To concentration camps they go
Herd the citizenry together
Brains for food and skin for leather
Render fat for gasoline
Feed the Republican machine
“War!” the scary zombies say
“Kill all terrorists and gays!”
Suppress dissent, destroy compassion
Liberalism’s out of fashion
Turn our beautiful free nation
Into one big corporation
Zombies worship God and guns
They need your brains, for they have none.
