Today is the first day of March, a month named for Mars, the Roman god of war. Because of this, the Romans considered “Martius” an auspicious month to begin wars and imperial conquests . . . and we all know what happened to them. Our own aimless Iraqi quagmire began in March of two thousand three. Suddenly, March doesn’t seem so great after all. It may arrive like a lion, king of the jungle, but it departs like a royal funeral procession.

Let’s rename it.

The Saxons called the month Lenctmonat and Rhed-monat, which don’t exactly roll off the tongue. The ancient Britons called it Hyldmonath, which means “loud” or “stormy” but sounds more like a Vulcan mating ritual.

A moment ago, I tried to write “March” and ended up writing “Marcy.” This is a happy accident I think we should run with.

Today is the first day of Marcy, a month named for that lesbian girl in the “Peanuts” comic strip. Because of this, the Americans consider Marcy an auspicious month to rummage around in their closets for their springtime Birkenstocks and adopt lots of cats.