Our house has a fireplace in the bedroom for some reason, and on cold nights when Rob is away, I sometimes throw in a log before Goblin and I huddle under the covers alone. The other night was one of the coldest in a while, so I lit a fire, curled up with a little Boston terrier in my armpit, and—

Sniff sniff.

“Goblin, you smell like a fish,” I informed her.

In the flickering light of the fire, she gazed deep into my eyes and burped, exhaling a new wave of smell into my nostrils.

And that, my friends, is why I now propose changing Goblin’s name to Admiral Ensign Commando, Perfume Tester.