I recently read an article about the lunatic fringe that voted for George W. Chimpanzee-Face because they believe he will usher in the End Times, and they want to Be There to See It. Rather than the infinitely more likely biological warfare or environmental collapse, I suppose they have in mind angels wielding flaming swords, smiting their imaginary enemies in cold blood while Good Christians cheer from the sidelines in between handfuls of microwave popcorn.
Our population is ever full of delights.
I have been watching “Wonder Woman.” Yes, “Wonder Woman,” the nineteen-seventies series featuring beauty queen Lynda Carter clad in a star-spangled bathing suit. Hubba hubba. The first season, which I bought on DVD, is set during World War Two, a time when Nazi spies popped, episode after episode, out of the woodwork, hell bent on besmirching the reputation of Major Steve Trevor, American Hero. “That will destroy the morale of the American people!” chirped Steve’s first secretary, Marcia (herself a Nazi spy attempting to besmirch the reputation of Major Steve Trevor, American Hero).
It was all in vain. Today, when our international reputation is mud, when we are the laughingstock of the world, the cold chrome veneer of our morale has barely a scratch. If the spine-chilling atrocities regularly committed in our name phase our Good Christians at all, it's for no longer than a commercial break.
During World War Two, Wonder Woman always arrived on the scene in the nick of time, pulling Major Steve’s fat out of fire and leaving the fascist criminals with a stern lecture about the power of American freedom and sisterhood. (It took a team of wild horses to pull Wonder Woman, who had never seen a man before Trevor crash-landed on her all-girl island, off the sisterhood soapbox.) Today, as I prepare to venture forth from the country now run by our own, homegrown fascist criminals, I hopefully scan the horizon for an invisible plane—piloted by the Amazon princess—swooping in to rescue us all.
Until she arrives, I’m boning up on my Canadian accent.
