It takes one-third of a pound of pesticides to grow the cotton used in just one conventional tee shirt. Oh yes. Take that, Banana Republic. I know, I know, your tee shirts are anything but conventional. That stretch, jade-green, tagless number you talked me into buying last week is the tee shirt of the gods. It’s true: all the gods are wearing pesticide-laden outfits this year.

I made a pact with myself that at least half of the new clothes I buy will be made from hemp or organic cotton, thus saving the world from systemic environmental collapse one tee-shirt at a time. I was going to buy some new Steve Maddens for my upcoming trip, but I decided to check out the shoe offerings at a little hemp store called Joshua Tree in the nearby town of Towson, where there were actually some nice ones, although none that could fulfill the role of a hot pair of Steve Maddens.* Joshua Tree is owned by perhaps the nicest, most transparently good person I have ever encountered, qualities he uses to his distinct advantage as a salesperson. Although I had gone in only for the shoes, and wasn’t even quite sure about those, I emerged with hemp shoes, a package of hemp socks, and a pair of green hemp pants . . . and no bag, because bags destroy the environment. Resplendent in my hempy righteousness, I marched back to my car and drove home.

I’m going back for the Steve Maddens tomorrow.

Their manuacture probably destroyed something or another, but at least I’m keeping my fifty-percent promise. I just fear I’m going to consume twice as much to get what I really want. Why oh why was I cursed with such a razor-sharp sense of style coupled with such an agonizing sense of guilt?

* Elegant yet casual, Steve Maddens are two shoes in one! Or is that four shoes in two?