04.30.2005
Omen Tracking
It is rainy, and everything smells like rotting worms. I am highly annoyed at the world today, and by “world” I mean:
• the people who think it is a good idea to bring their rampaging children to the grocery store,
• the Toyota Corporation,
• and the fortyish African-American woman wearing funny glasses and driving a white Pontiac Grand Prix, who rear-ended my car this afternoon on Martin Luther King, Junior Boulevard.
Nothing was damaged but my soul and the back bumper of my Mazda hatchback, the Mazda hatchback I am currently attempting to trade in for a Toyota Prius, the Mazda hatchback whose value just plummeted two thousand dollars thanks to the events of this afternoon on Martin Luther King, Junior Boulevard.
Because I am an intelligent, rational person of science, I have come to the conclusion that the Universe is trying to send me a secret message—an omen, if you will, of future events. Sometimes, I wish the Universe would sit down and write me a nice letter on engraved stationery because I am getting tired of these mysterious codes. I still don't know why my neighborhood is awash in black cats, for example. And what was with the banana peel in our flower pot?
Now I have this to worry over. Universe, are you making it difficult for me to trade in my car because you think I should not trade it in? Are you employing a fortyish African-American woman in a white Pontiac Grand Prix to tell me that my new Toyota Prius will bring heartache and woe along with a huge increase in fuel efficiency? Is this your way of saying that the impending oil crisis is a cruel liberal hoax?
Or do you just think I don’t deserve nice things?
And so, sweet readers, I use my soapbox today to scientifically record this omen for future analysis. If I keep the Mazda hatchback and it gets transformed by cosmic radiation into a car-shaped pile of platinum, leaving me rich rich rich beyond my wildest dreams . . . or if I go for the Prius and the hybrid electrical system goes haywire and zaps me into a pile of dust . . .
Then the Universe gets to say, “I told you so, dumbass.”
posted by
David at 10:15 PM
Please keep us informed, I am planning to trade my old, trusty Escort for a Prius in the autumn... it's the 2005 Car If The Year in the UK and, 'fake-liberal-scare', maybe, but climate change IS happening and I for one, intend to walk a little softer on the planet...
as for The Universe, if someone ran into MY car I would just assume that other driver wasn't watching, rather than that I wasn't listening!
sometimes 'a cigar is just a cigar'
n'est-ce pas???
posted by: Julia on 05.01.2005 at 3:29 AM
Oh, no!
I think you should trade the fortyish African-American woman in for a Toyota Prius.
Signs are for ninnies; the only thing a sign does is confirm what you wanted all along, ie: provide justification for some decision you already intended to make.
While I think there's something to be said for Priuses (and I enjoy living vicariously through you) what you'll mostly achieve in buying one is reducing your own ongoing gas bill, and acquiring some rolling PR. Buying a used car, or holding on to one you already have, is also an ecologically sound decision. Gas is only as much of an issue as you make it, by driving more or less. The real cost comes from multiplying any given car by hundreds of thousands of units built, and by our insatiable lust for new things. And I'm not just saying that because I own two used cars. Well, maybe a little.
All of this is moot, of course, if you ignore Toyota's dire warnings and re-enable the all-electric mode in the Prius, in which case that's a much better option.
posted by:
jwer on 05.01.2005 at 8:57 AM
This is completely unrelated, David, but I am no longer interested in purchasing your Mazda3 . . .
posted by:
Brian on 05.01.2005 at 9:27 AM
The black cats are because the neighborhood is full of Rosemary's Baby-style satanists, as you know. I see them congregating all over the place, and passing coded messages to one another on B------.org.
Those hybrids are so quiet! You can nap and drive at once, practically.
posted by:
Cara on 05.01.2005 at 1:59 PM
Julia: And sometimes, a cigar is a penis.
Faustus: I think Abraham Lincoln outlawed that.
Jwer: Ah, but they also are very good at convincing you that you made the WRONG choice.
Brian: It's really just a scratch, a ding, the merest scrape. What do I have to do to get you to drive home in this beautiful Mazda3 today?
Cara: YES, I KNOW. But THEY didn't know I know until just now, thank you very much. Got any more ships to sink?
posted by:
David on 05.01.2005 at 6:01 PM
Waiting for "Hitchiker's..." to start (and, yeah, that was a general invite to anyone who wanted to see the movie, and just so you know, it was a great movie) JWER was telling me your bumper story, and then on the way back to his house, he was like, "That looks like David and Rob ... wait, that IS David and Rob! That bumper isn't as messed up as he said!" (I think he was picturing it dragging along behind your car. Personally, I didn't see anything wrong with it at all).
'Les choses sont contre nous', poppet and the sonner you accept that then the sooner nirvana beckons>
posted by: campbell on 05.02.2005 at 6:18 AM
I love your little Mazda! Does it not get good gas mileage? How many miles/how much are you asking?
posted by:
Jen on 05.02.2005 at 11:00 AM
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