Things are happening, I’ll have you know. I’d tell you what these things are, but I’d have to kill you. Actually, I’d tell you what these things are, but I don’t remember. It’s been a long week. I think scientists around the globe—when they aren’t busy making up facts out of thin air about global warming and peak oil production to vex greedy Republicans—will testify to the fact that this past week lasted seventy-six days. You can’t argue with them; it’s science. It’s reality-based, man.

Here’s what I remember:

1) Someone left two cookie jars in my front hall.

2) These were, unfortunately, devoid of cookies.

3) Goblin pooped and had her nails done.

4) (Not at the same time.)

5) Rob came home from wherever he was and made one too many puns.

6) I had a torrid affair with a stack of index cards.

See, my life is interesting. Next week, maybe I will have more wacky hijinks with the laundry.