Over the weekend, Rob’s family and I took a holistic animal health course taught by a woman who wore black underwear under an unlined white dress and believed that receiving psychic messages from cats and flowers qualifies as valid scientific data.
Yesterday, in my acupuncturist’s treatment room, I heard muffled voices coming through the wall from the psychotherapist’s office next door. “Blah blah blah!” said one voice bitterly. “Blah blah blah!” said another voice, in a substantially more mocking tone. A third, quieter, voice sounded soothing and practical. This was clearly the couple’s therapy session of two people who hated each other. I tried to send them a psychic message—“Less disdain, more love!”—but it was not received. Probably the lines of astral communication were already jammed by those chatty daisies. You know how they are.
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All right, so some lovely people have written songs about my Boston terrier! These are truly Top Forty material, and we look forward to receiving more (especially Goblin, who is looking for an excuse to buy a new iPod). Here are the two we received so far. You can email me more. In fact, you must!
Goblin Foo, by Hanuman
(Shamelessly stolen, and sung to the tune of “My Best Girl” from Mame)
David:
My Goblin Foo, a cutie beyond compare,
I'm proud you belong to me;
Dealing with drunkards at my store,
Has become a colossal bore.
And if that Jwer, drops by with a fresh remark
It won't take him long to see,
That I'll still be found, just hanging around
Goblin Foo.
Goblin Foo:
Oh, Daddy Dear, you're handsome and brave and strong,
There's nothing we two can't face;
Chasing the squirrels, around the park
Scaring them with my mighty bark.
And when Crumblord comes home from his latest job
Determined to take your place,
I hope he's resigned, to falling behind,
Daddy Dear.
David And Goblin Foo:
And if someday when everything turns out wrong,
We're through with this blogging crap,
Come running to me,
Goblin Foo:
For I'll always be
Goblin Foo...
David:
Goblin Foo!
Tribute to Goblin Foo Uvula, Boston Terrier Extraordinaire, by Someone Else named David
(Sung to the tune of ?“You Shook Me All Night Long”)
Her name is Goblin Foo,
They call her Uvula, too,
She likes to lick her dainty privates,
take a stroll and pooh.
Her coat is black and white,
Her teeth are ultra bright,
Can terrorize squirrels,
and then just call it a night.
That canine eclair
Loves the autumn air,
Once devoured a child when she was off on a tear
Now her bladder’s aching,
The dawn is breaking,
Her gay dad’s waking,
‘Cause she ain’t faking it
And Foo
Walked you all night long.
Oh yeah Foo,
Walked you all night long.
Hits the pavement hard,
Wished she had a yard,
Shares her daddy’s opinion W’s a ‘tard.
Likes the kibble fine,
Favors Kevin Kline,
Obviously Leo is her zodiac sign.
Never acts the square,
Loves her hedgehog, Cher,
Is the belle of the park every time she is there.
But now her bladder’s aching,
The dawn is breaking,
Her gay dad’s waking,
‘Cause she ain’t faking it
And Foo
Walked you all night long.
Oh yeah Foo,
Walked you all night long.
(repeat until fade out)
