10.08.2005
Tadpoles
My niece was born this morning, and I went to the mall to find her a stuffed bear or duck. The mall is a waking nightmare to begin with, but what took the cake was an establishment called Build-A-Bear. I had figured you just grab a teddy bear and pick out some nice shoes for it, or a handbag. But as I stood, horrified, in the doorway, I was whisked inside by a perky teenager who explained a process I’d closer associate with Frankenstein’s monster than a cuddly toy: choosing an empty carcass, inserting a voicebox, stuffing the body, picking out a wardrobe, and registering all of these details—along with a name—in a computer that spits out a personalized birth certificate.
The gestation of my niece herself was a less complicated affair.
I ended up getting a stuffed tree frog at the Rainforest Café. My thinking was that, hey, it’s raining out, and babies look amphibious anyway. Why not commemorate the day?
A stuffed tree frog and sneaking her out when she’s seventeen to buy birth control pills. Thank goodness my unclely duties are few and far between; I have enough on my mind.
posted by
David at 5:46 PM
Congrats Uncle David!
posted by:
Coffeedog on 10.08.2005 at 8:16 PM
Congrats as well!
We have one of those insideous places at our local mall as well, and the teenagers are just as perky!
Hmm...I smell sequel!!
"THE STEPFORD BEARS"
posted by:
Hanuman on 10.09.2005 at 6:39 AM
Congrats from me too Uncle David.
I loved Hanuman's comment. While channel-surfing one day I saw Oprah putting together one of these bears and she made it seem like a fun thing to do but I thought that was the Stepford Bear!
posted by: Aunt Blabby on 10.09.2005 at 11:33 AM
Congrats you big lug of an uncle.
Your other duty is try to sleep with her boyfriend when she is 17.
posted by:
Chris on 10.09.2005 at 8:57 PM
I see you as more of the Uncle Mame type.
posted by:
Crash on 10.10.2005 at 12:03 PM
Funny, Crash, I was thinking more along the lines of Uncle Ernie.
posted by:
David on 10.10.2005 at 5:17 PM
awww! You have to see a child! Babies want a rag teat soaked in whiskey, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You'll also be the one to instruct her to remove the temporary stitching from her coat pockets. That's important.
Unclehood! Neato!
posted by:
Mush on 10.13.2005 at 12:45 PM
Coffeedog, et al: Thanks, but I didn't do anything. I forgot my sister-in-law was even pregnant.
Hanuman: One would think they have to be paid well to be that perky. Maybe there is hope for our economy after all. Maybe the Stepford Bears will go the way of the Cabbage Patch Doll.
Aunt Blabby: You watch Oprah? I suppose that's all right, but if you ever stop surfing on Dr. Phil, there will be trouble!
Chris: I already noted that important milestone in iCal.
Crash and David: I see myself as Uncle Leave Me Alone.
Licketysplit: I have my seam-ripper ready, but where is my rag teat?
Mush: Eh.
posted by:
David on 10.15.2005 at 11:04 AM
Wait, I take it all back. You said "unclely," which isn't even a word fer chrissake.
posted by:
Mush on 10.16.2005 at 5:59 PM
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