She'd tell me to cancel that platinum Montblanc (she knows how to spell it,please note) that she has on order for you; that's what.

It's just not possible to get through the winter doldrums without changing the dog's name, is it?

What if? WHAT IF! It would be HOT, that's what!

As if she'd ever deign to be a deliveryperson.

I like the variations on her name that include "Spottsylvania" best of all.

I believe that she would be a disgraced deliveryperson indeed if she delivered her potato chips after eating them.

That said, if you rename that poor dog, I shall rename you "Avian Bird Flu McGonagle, Disgraceful Potato Chip Delivery".

You know, just so you're prepared.

Well, it wouldn't roll off the tongue quite so easily the first few times round, for sure.

Sorry to break the bad news but EVERYBODY in Milwaukee is naming their dogs Digestive Enzyme McDougal, Disgraced Potato Chip Deliveryperson these days.

What about something musical such as Blingo? Classic such as Bignol? Maybe Lignob? Perhaps Lobgin? Okay, something simple like Boglin? Teutonic, Olbing or Longib? From the sixties, LiBong? Contemporary NiBlog?

If you did, would she please deliver some potato chips out here? She could pull a little sled. All my neighbors would spill from their apartments, in between alcoholic blackouts, to gasp in wonder and childlike delight. But I would not share my potato chips with them. O no. Get your own, I would say, I hear they sell them at the liquor store.

Campbell: The only reason I can't SPELL it is because no one with an employee discount has bothered to SEND me one.

Helen: It's almost as good as Lexapro, the People's Princess.

Mush: In what way are you using that word, or do I not want to know?

Crash: Deliverypersoning is a noble profession worthy of Lexapro, the People's Princess.

Cara: See, it's a pun because she also has spots. How about Spotsylvania C. Arbuckle, Pointillist?

Jwer: I believe "Avian Bird Flu" is redundant.

Christopher: Why must you always be so practical? You're just like Lexapro, the People's Princess.

Barb: And BLINGO was her name-o!!! Ha ha.

Rindy: If people started getting their OWN potato chips, that would certainly put all of those potato chip deliverypeople out of a job. Thoughtless!

Quite frankly, I don't think anyone would bat an eye.