Last night was so glorious: I spent it alternately checking on election returns and hacking up bits of lung. I can’t decide if Joe Lieberman or George Allen is more hateful, but it’s probably George Allen, so if I had to pick between the two, I would say that this turn of events is acceptable. Of course, Joe Lieberman would think so as well, for a number of reasons, one certainly being that he is now perfectly positioned between the Democrats and Republicans and has them all by the short hairs. Speaking of short hairs, Goblin got a new toy last week, a stuffed raccoon that in a flash of optimism we named Speaker Pelosi but then instantly rechristened Squeaker Pelosi due to the piercing squawk she emits whenever Goblin clamps down on her nose. Thus far, Squeaker Pelosi has been very vocal, and I think she will run a tight ship, although she is caucusing with a stuffed lamb named Clarice and a stuffed squirrel named Thrombosis and a stuffed hippo named Hippoo, all of whom have been through the ringer and are leaking stuffing in the oddest places.

The funny thing about the elections is all of the emails I got in the days before saying, “It’s all up to you!” and all of the emails I’m getting the day after that say, “You did it!” Yes, it was all up to me, and yes, I did it. And boy are my arms tired.

UPDATE: SQUEAKER PELOSI TAKES THE STAGE