Today is my birthday. How horrifying. At least my blog comments are still broken, so there will be no annoying messages of cheer. One of the first birthdays I remember, I was about five and received a Cookie Monster watch with a blue band. I consulted it that night as I sat up in bed awaiting midnight, when Santa Claus would come clattering down the chimney, but when both of Cookie Monster’s hands pointed upward, they pointed at nothing but a broken dream. Oh yes.

The first thing I did when I woke up today was moisturize, which along with my extreme youth explains the velvet glow of my complexion.