06.20.2007
In the Oven
Two of my sisters-in-law are expecting, as Lucy Ricardo used to say. She never said what she was expecting, and I always thought the crosstown bus might pull up in her living room, but now that I have actually ridden the crosstown bus, I realize that, while it is far less unpleasant than one would think, it is simply not going to provide that level of service.
So I’m going to be an uncle again and again. This is fine, as I am very avuncular, but the only of my existing nephews and nieces who currently realize this are the ones old enough to be bribed. “Who is your favorite uncle?” I will say, holding out a dollar bill. If I don’t hear the right answer, I get to keep it. Those who do not yet understand the almighty buck just look through me like a pane of glass. If I reach out and touch their arm, they react as if they have been attacked by a tentacle.
Sometimes I think it might be nice to get a child somewhere, but I have enough problems. Goblin Foo will tell you that it is no picnic being my responsibility. When she hasn’t wadded all of the sheets into a ball and burrowed inside, she NEEDS things. “Daddy I need food!” “Daddy I need water!” “Daddy I need to go outside!” Good lord, Goblin Foo, do I need to graft on an opposable thumb before you pull your own weight around here?
posted by
David at 7:15 AM
You DO realize that children are full of germs, right?
posted by:
Curtis on 06.20.2007 at 1:43 PM
Most of the time, I'm quite thankful that our dogs don't have opposable thumbs! They're mischievous enough without them!
posted by: Jess on 06.20.2007 at 9:01 PM
Curtis: That idea is never far from my mind, believe you me. I think children should be encased in full-body diving gear until they are twenty-two.
Jess: But if they had thumbs, maybe they would get up to less mischief. After all, then they would be able to activate the remote control.
posted by:
David on 06.21.2007 at 8:47 AM
Pets can be such free-loaders sometimes. It's all I can do to get Mookie to run the dishwasher or clean the bathtub once in a while.
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