If you are reading this in America, it is the Fourth of July. You foreigners might have a different name for July--like Julio or Harmony J. Pumpernickel, DVM--but it is still just a regular day for your sorry souls, whereas here in the fatherland, it is a glorious celebration where we get explosions dancing across the sky as opposed to car bombs ramming into buildings. Go team!

Keeping exactly in the spirit of this occasion, I will report that I learned via this person that one can go to this site and create a “Simpsons avatar.” This is what you would look like if you lived in a magical land where everyone has four fingers and all of your problems, no matter how bizarre, can be solved in a half hour.

Here is a creature that would be ravishing no matter what dimension he occupies: