Tomorrow, I am going to an Undisclosed Location. I would Disclose it, but then I would have to kiss you. See, you thought I would say “kill,” but I like to mix it up a bit. I will kill you next time, and the time after that I will, um, kipp you. Yeah, there won’t be a next time. How many Undisclosed Locations are there in the world, and how much time do I get to travel? Right, right. You will remain forever unkipped, you wascally wabbit.

What’s new with me is that I finally got the vomitacious wall-sized mirror removed from my office. It was a delicate operation that has resulted in hideous gouges in the plaster, but that’s all right because now that stupid genie will stop bothering me. Speaking of wascally wabbits, remember that episode of Bugs Bunny where Bugs was dressed up like a witch and trick-or-treated to the real witch’s house, and the genie in the mirror said Bugs was the fairest witch of all or some such thing? That’s where I get that from. The witch decided to play nice but secretly poison her rival, so she went into the kitchen and prepared a snack, singing, “A cup of tea, a cookie, and you-ou!” I asked my employees if they remembered that episode, and they looked at me as if my jacket had arms that tied in the back.