12.24.2007
1996: A Retrospective
Today is my birthday and those of you following this yearly saga may be interested to know that even I am having trouble keeping track of which one. Suffice it to say I am over twenty and under one million. I am also under twenty-two. It’s not my fault; time just flows differently in my dimension, somewhat like Narnia except without the Jesus Lion there to keep things in order. In my dimension, there is very little order. I haven’t paid a bill in three months because despite the most advanced pharmacology available from the mad scientist, I have suddenly developed a fear of envelopes. This means you will have to deliver the birthday cash in person, wrapped in clear plastic, although you will have to slide it through the mail slot because I’m also afraid of answering the door. You would be, too, if you saw the parade of mamarrachos that flounces through this neighborhood. It’s usually just the guy who wants to wash the windows, but why take a chance? In any case, the shades are always drawn and I can’t see how dirty they are.
The best part about my birthday is pretending it’s not my birthday. Also, remember that beard I told you about? I totally have to shave. It feels as if someone is pressing a hedgehog into my skin twenty-four hours a day. As you might imagine, this is pleasant neither for myself nor the hedgehog.
posted by
David at 2:36 AM
Happy Birthday, you suspiciously young coot.
posted by:
jwer on 12.24.2007 at 8:36 AM
Have a very Merry Birthday and a Happy Christmas!! Kisses to Goblin Foo and your hubby too.
Sniff, Sniff, What is that I smell? Teen spirit? You smell younger about this time each year. It won't be long until you smell like Cherry Kool Aid.
I have a table by my door with a sizeable pile of unopened enevelopes that are days, er, several days...er OK, maybe a couple of weeks old. I'm even sure that some of them are Holiday cards. I was kinda hoping that these fightening sealed missives might open themselves in some sort of Christmas miracle. Thanks for sharing - I must discuss 'envelope phobia' with my mostly- worthless Mad Scientist.
Bippo Harthday.
posted by: Jeffrey on 12.24.2007 at 10:27 AM
Happy Birthday! The cash is *in the mail*.
Also, I'm sorry about the beard, because it looks simply dashing.
posted by:
zenchick on 12.24.2007 at 11:43 AM
Happy Birthday to you and the hedgehog! (If it's attached to you, it should get t celebrate, too!) Is this the year to sign up for AARP membership, or do you still have one or two left? :-)
Have a wonderful birthday!
posted by: Jess on 12.24.2007 at 12:16 PM
Happy Bday. You're at least lucky to have the masses too distracted by the shiny holiday to notice much. It's like a bday Objectivists would relate to.
Nice meeting you the other day.
posted by: Johnny Sunshine on 12.24.2007 at 1:11 PM
Wow! Both you AND Jesus? Happy Birthday to you both!
posted by:
Curtis on 12.24.2007 at 1:55 PM
Thanks everybody! The best (and most accurate) thing we can say about my twenty-first birthday is that it's over. :)
posted by:
David on 12.25.2007 at 1:36 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY JESUS!!!!!!
posted by:
jwer on 12.25.2007 at 10:49 PM
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