03.29.2008
Now Is the Best Time

Rob and I jointly stumbled across this idea as we drove back from the Undisclosed Location last fall, and I decided to share it with the world as testament to what intelligent and perhaps slightly brainwashed marketers we are.
Near Space Mountain in Disney World’s Magic Kingdom, there is an “attraction” that has languished for a million years called “The Carousel of Progress.” That nobody ever goes in there is illustrated by the fact that Progress seems to have crashed to a halt in the late 1980s, but the idea is that one gets to witness the entire twentieth century via the strides Americans have made in their technology, and how our lives have changed accordingly. These scenes, acted out by robots, tend to focus on home appliances since G.E. was the sponsor of this extravaganza, so they tend to lay on ideas like “How The Electric Stove Changed Civilization” fairly thickly.
When I was a kid, this used to be accompanied by a snappy theme song that went, “Now is the time / Now is the best time / Now is the best time of your life!” The current version, which begins, “There’s a great big beautiful tomorrow!” sort of loses its impact when one realizes that “tomorrow” in this circular universe is really 1992.
In any case, Rob and I decided that Disney’s largest and greatest stockholder, Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple, Inc., might want to take a closer look at the potential for this golden oldie as a fun marketing tool for the future. An Apple-sponsored “Carousel of Progress” might begin at the time of the slide rule, whiz by the calculator and the punch card, and drop us into 1984 when the Macintosh first made its dazzling appearance. From there, the robots can show us how life has really changed for the better over the past several decades, and how Apple has led the charge in redefining our expectations of technology, artistry, and entertainment. The last scene can be ever changing, theorizing how Apple technology might look twenty years in the future.
The souvenir shop in this attraction could be a mini Apple Store selling their regular products as well as collectors’ editions customized with mouse ears (imagine a glowing white Mickey on the back of a MacBook or a polka-dotted iPod preloaded with songs from all the Disney movies). I can’t think of a better way to introduce Middle America to the company we latte-drinking coastal elites sold our souls to years ago and also keep a current face on Disney’s aging offerings.
If there is justice in this world, the next call on my iPhone will be either from Madison Avenue or Cupertino, California.
posted by
David at 6:38 PM
Best use of undisclosed location time in an eon! A creative, impressive and exciting concept. So, when will you be pitching the concept to Steve Jobs?
posted by: Barb on 03.31.2008 at 5:16 PM
You, sir, are a Bad Man.
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Barb: *blush* I did send him an email about it.
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Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
posted by:
cfnm on 06.06.2010 at 3:36 AM
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
A woman's place is in the home
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posted by:
Amoxil on 06.06.2010 at 7:41 AM
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Honesty is the best policy
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As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
posted by:
Anal on 06.06.2010 at 9:07 AM
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
posted by:
Orgies on 06.06.2010 at 12:09 PM
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posted by:
Orgies on 06.06.2010 at 12:09 PM
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
posted by:
hungover on 06.06.2010 at 1:52 PM
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
posted by:
Forex on 06.06.2010 at 2:21 PM
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
posted by:
Allergies on 06.06.2010 at 3:59 PM
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
posted by:
Funny Sex on 06.06.2010 at 4:03 PM
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
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Antabuse on 06.06.2010 at 4:45 PM
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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Cialis on 06.06.2010 at 7:09 PM
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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Acomplia on 06.06.2010 at 7:25 PM
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
I am not young enough to know everything.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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Ultram on 06.06.2010 at 8:31 PM
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
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Free Porn on 06.07.2010 at 3:52 AM
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
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Free Porn on 06.07.2010 at 3:52 AM
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
A hen is only an eggÂ’s way of making another egg.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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Free Porn on 06.07.2010 at 6:49 AM
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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Free Porn on 06.07.2010 at 6:50 AM
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
posted by:
Accutane on 06.07.2010 at 7:28 AM
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
posted by:
Free Porn on 06.07.2010 at 7:48 AM
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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posted by:
Zimulti on 06.07.2010 at 12:12 PM
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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posted by: cettralousest on 06.07.2010 at 5:28 PM
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
posted by:
Home Gym on 06.07.2010 at 6:14 PM
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
posted by:
cleansing on 06.07.2010 at 7:28 PM
Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
posted by:
watches on 06.07.2010 at 8:44 PM
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
posted by:
Propecia on 06.08.2010 at 1:40 PM
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
posted by:
Levitra on 06.08.2010 at 5:13 PM
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
posted by:
Tramadol on 06.08.2010 at 9:18 PM
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
posted by:
p90x on 06.09.2010 at 1:02 AM
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
posted by:
Hotel on 06.09.2010 at 2:05 AM
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
posted by:
Cialis on 06.09.2010 at 2:16 AM
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
posted by:
necklace on 06.09.2010 at 3:56 AM
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
posted by:
necklace on 06.09.2010 at 3:56 AM
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
posted by:
Teen on 06.09.2010 at 4:50 AM
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
posted by:
VigRX on 06.09.2010 at 9:04 AM
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
posted by:
Levitra on 06.09.2010 at 12:51 PM
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
posted by:
Propecia on 06.09.2010 at 2:50 PM
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
posted by:
Cialis on 06.09.2010 at 4:25 PM
Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
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posted by: ciitpconwj on 06.10.2010 at 11:57 AM
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
posted by:
Cialis on 06.10.2010 at 1:37 PM
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
posted by:
Ambien on 06.10.2010 at 3:20 PM
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
posted by:
Vicodin on 06.10.2010 at 3:31 PM
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIÂ !
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIÂ !
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
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Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
posted by:
Hair Loss on 06.11.2010 at 1:15 AM
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
posted by:
Casino on 06.11.2010 at 5:23 AM
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
posted by:
BlackJack on 06.11.2010 at 6:38 AM
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
posted by:
lacoste on 06.12.2010 at 7:09 PM
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
posted by:
lacoste on 06.12.2010 at 7:10 PM
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
posted by:
Valium on 06.12.2010 at 8:26 PM
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
posted by:
goji on 06.12.2010 at 9:24 PM
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
posted by:
Hollister on 06.12.2010 at 10:26 PM
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
posted by:
Vicodin on 06.13.2010 at 12:33 AM
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
posted by:
maqui on 06.13.2010 at 1:37 AM
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
posted by:
nose job on 06.13.2010 at 3:49 AM
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
posted by:
nose job on 06.13.2010 at 3:50 AM
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
posted by:
Hollister on 06.13.2010 at 4:14 AM
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
posted by:
Propecia on 06.13.2010 at 4:41 AM
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
posted by:
ugg boots on 06.13.2010 at 5:51 AM
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
posted by: Generic Cialis on 06.13.2010 at 6:52 AM
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
posted by:
Zoloft on 06.13.2010 at 7:57 AM
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
posted by:
Tramadol on 06.14.2010 at 12:08 PM
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
posted by:
Propecia on 06.14.2010 at 12:20 PM
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
posted by:
Ambien on 06.14.2010 at 1:37 PM
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
posted by:
Sex on 06.14.2010 at 7:02 PM
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
posted by:
Free Porn on 06.14.2010 at 7:30 PM
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
posted by:
Zoloft on 06.14.2010 at 8:24 PM
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
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If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
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Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
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A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
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It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
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