05.13.2008
Swoosh
Hey, did you miss me? I was serving time in prison because I was caught wearing white before Memorial Day. I originally thought I was too pretty to go to prison, but then I realized that without access to my moisturizer things would go a different direction. Of course I am totally lying. Moisturizer cannot touch my inner beauty and also I wasn’t in jail anyway, except maybe the jail of my own making, which I have since busted out of after receiving enlightenment and a file baked into a cupcake.
I should not jest: ending up in prison for a crime I didn’t commit is chief among my legion of phobias, probably because, under Bush and living in the brutal land of Baltimore, it is the one with the highest risk of coming true. But every day lately as I drive by the prison (it’s in the middle of the city so it’s unavoidable), I have been struck with the idea of contributing in some way to help those poor souls locked away inside. No, I don’t have enough files or cupcakes; I am thinking of teaching a writing workshop for prisoners.
Speaking of which, the book of one my dearest friends was released today. It is called Swish: My Quest to Become the Gayest Person Ever, by Joel Derfner, and you can and should buy it at this link because he will get a larger cut of the sales. My copies just came today, and while I haven’t read the whole thing yet, based upon the peeks I got at the first draft, it is definitely going to be a mega number-one hit bestseller, so get it while it’s hot.
Just don’t steal a copy and wind up in jail unless you relish the thought of having one of my writing workshops inflicted upon you.
posted by
David at 11:54 PM
Any gay man worth his salt must have Joel's book!
On another note, at least Baltimore's jail looks impressive. It's like having a castle in the middle of town. Not that I'm advocating spending time there, but it is impressive (in a scary sort of way).
posted by: Jess on 05.14.2008 at 10:06 PM
Whew, so glad u are back. You are missed when you are busy. I had to watch a John Waters film to get my daily dose of the real Baltimore.
I'm THUPER exthited about Joel's book and cannot wait to read it. I sent the advance publication notice to all my friends who will probably now brand me as a Swish Spammer. I'll pass along where they can order their copy for the maximun JD benefit.
posted by: jeffrey on 05.14.2008 at 10:32 PM
Jess: Yes, if one has to go to jail for no reason, the castle in the middle of Baltimore is the place to be.
Jeffrey: In the old days, I would have said "Multiple Maniacs" would have tided you over, but now I think you just need to get that DVD of fish swimming around that is supposed to amuse cats, and that will suffice.
As for Joel's book we must proclaim it from the rooftops. I think I'm going to start buying it for everyone I know.
posted by:
David on 05.15.2008 at 8:59 PM
Ooh, buy me a copy and I'll pay you back! I don't want Amazon to think I'm gay, you see...
posted by:
jwer on 05.16.2008 at 12:55 PM
Anything but a yoga-laden writer's workshop.
Prison was rather fun for me, actually. It was part of my quest to become the second gayest person ever. Or third, depending on Jwer's progress. I pretended not to know what the file was for. By the time I got out (read that:"left reluctantly"), my nails looked FAAAAB-U-LOUS !!!
posted by:
Schaef on 05.16.2008 at 11:48 PM
Jwer: Not only does Amazon already think you're gay, it thinks you're my boyfriend, so you might as well just click away.
Schaef: You know, you haven't been around here long, but I think you're getting the lay of the land quite nicely. :)
posted by:
David on 05.22.2008 at 12:18 AM
Actually, now it thinks I'm a Mommyblogger, which I guess is close enough...
posted by:
jwer on 05.27.2008 at 10:49 AM
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