I am writing this at work, where I am supposed to be working, except right now I am breaking. Breaking: this conjures scenes from Death Becomes Her but in truth it means that I get to eat a cherry muffin and take a load off. How are you today, Internet? Did you enjoy the fireworks? I didn’t see any, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t any. I have faith in fireworks.

Yesterday, we spent the whole day cleaning the house and then we saw a movie starring Seann William Scott, a heartthrob who emerged blithely from the likes of American Pie and The Dukes of Hazzard to play an ambitious grocery store assistant manager in The Promotion. One of the several things I noticed about him in this movie is that, while he is famous for playing a teenager, he now looks older than I do, although he is five years younger. The other thing I noticed is that he chose a rather uninspiring movie in which to start looking older than I do. At the very least, his Bo Duke might have shown all of those crow’s feet. I do not have a single crow’s foot outside of a jar in my medicine cabinet, but that serves a different purpose entirely. (Beware, all who cross me.)

Boy, that cherry muffin was good. A lifetime on the hips. If someone were to bite into my hips, we could test that theory. I have been doing 30 pullups a day and am considering trying for 60 like I used to do. Maybe on some days I could do 60 and on some I could do 30. I wish “none” were an option, but that choice would not be auspicious for embarking on my career as a younger Seann William Scott.