Are you sure it’s Christmas? It feels like Easter because I must proclaim that I am alive! Not after being dead, just after going through the holiday season as a retailer. Now that that’s out of the way and we can settle down into this Ginormous Republican Clusterfuck of a depression when nobody is going to buy anything, I’m sure I’ll have lots of free time to regale you with tales of my life.

A clown in full regalia came into my store a few weeks ago. She said she wasn’t going to buy much because these are days that are as tough on clowns as anyone else. I might choose this moment to suggest that clowns probably deserve to be disproportionately affected by any disaster, but I have too much residual holiday spirit (i.e. I stayed in my bathrobe all day on Xmas), so I will just point out that when I told this particular clown she had a nice smile, she said it was because of Jesus. I didn’t know Jesus did makeup on the side, but I suppose it’s tough times all around.